How to Regulate the Fight Response Without Fighting
This post provides some ways to regulate your nervous system when your Fight response has been activated.
CW: discussion of domestic abuse
Today’s piece will be in the spirit of The Butterfly Hug, An Uplifting Somatic Practice, another Daily Somatic Practice, and The Self Hug.
The below video was the inspiration for the How to Release Anger in Healthier Ways post. I wanted to share it separately after that post got so long and comprehensive.
Last week I talked a bit about my childhood when I witnessed anger and rage frequently in my family. When I was an adult, I was grateful to not live with someone who might abruptly change moods and take it out on me by hitting me or throwing things at me. But my romantic partners were not dealing with their own anger in healthy ways. They seemed like a step up from what I dealt with in my youth, and yet, you would be surprised at what I tolerated.
My first live-in boyfriend was a wall puncher (sometimes the wall or door right next to my face) and once threatened to throw our coffee table through the sliding glass door of our deck when I tried to break up with him. Another off-and-on beau would drive really fast and really close to the vehicle ahead of us to intentionally scare me while we were fighting. My long-term life partner and I would argue less frequently, but when things escalated, he would slap and punch himself in the face repeatedly. (That technique was very scary, and I was constantly worried people would assume I had given him the black eye they saw.) When I would try to exit the situation in Flight, my partners would make themselves large and imposing to block the doorway and impede my escape. If I tried to push past them, some of them would grab me to stop me and physically move me or shake me.
I share all these examples not to air dirty laundry, but rather to showcase that I am intimately familiar with anger and rage. I am also not purely a victim in these scenarios. I know I have instigated and escalated, screamed, and even physically fought back in multiple scenarios. When you are fired up, that energy has to go somewhere. The key is to make sure you don’t accidentally cause damage to anything or anyone while you are releasing it. In lieu of hitting yourself or someone else, here are some alternatives.
How to Regulate Your Fight Response Without Fighting:
Find a safe space to throw something soft like a pillow or plushie at the wall or floor or onto your bed. (Knowing your proximity to others is crucial so you don’t inadvertently throw in their direction or towards anything breakable.)
Hit or punch a pillow, cushion, or your mattress. An actual punching bag would also be an acceptable target. (Try not to injure yourself.)
Clench your fists while tightening the muscles where you feel anger in your body. Then, release your fists and shake out your tension. (I use this one!)
Push against a wall as hard as you can with the entire weight of your body. Then, relax and shake it out. (This provides proprioceptive input.)
Perform a body scan to locate the anger felt within your body. Sit and do some deep breathing exercises. (This activates the parasympathetic nervous system.)
Some people may be bothered by some of these actions if they witness them, but in my opinion this is a time where they should reevaluate the difference between discomfort and harm. Hopefully, these techniques will allow you to release your anger without harming yourself or anyone else. I already do the clenching fists one when I feel the energy piling up, and I plan to try the wall push one next time I feel like I need to get the energy out of myself.
~The Overstimulated
Special thanks to Rebekah Ballagh for sharing this practice (& many others!) on the journey_to_wellness_ Instagram page. (I have no affiliation; I’m just a follower on IG.)
It’s great to have a toolbox of techniques like these to discharge anger. Simple to do, too. Thank you for sharing.