Your Three Choices
I wrote this for myself, but I'm sharing it in case it helps you.
The people who hold the power are doing things I don’t agree with currently and for the foreseeable future. It would be easy to disassociate, disengage, and retreat within myself. As someone with a history that includes a Freeze response to traumatic events, it would be familiar and potentially even comforting to allow myself to shut down. There may be points in the future where I unwillingly end up in this state anyway, but I did not put so much work into my healing, learning about emotional regulation and how to deal with being dysregulated to succumb to a frozen state without trying to do what I can to work through these challenging emotions (and hopefully come out stronger on the other side).
“Washing one’s hands of the conflict between the powerful and the powerless means to side with the powerful, not to be neutral.” – Paulo Freire
In this moment, the powerful people (and systems they uphold) are doubling down on prioritizing profit over people, our planet, and sustainable life for everything on Earth. Being one of those people who feels compelled to try to improve myself, my life, and in effect the lives of those around me, it is not in my nature to sit idly by spectating, if there is something that I can do. I also realize I am just one person. I may not ever take an individual action that tips the scales in favor of justice, but that does not mean that my personal activities will have no bearing on the big picture.
Everyone who pays attention to time travel stories knows that even the tiniest change can have major consequences. The butterfly effect within chaos theory describes how the fluttering of a butterfly’s wings can ripple out to have an impact on something larger like a hurricane in another part of the world. I read a quote once about how everyone can readily admit that small actions can end up having a larger impact, but no one ever really thinks that their own small deeds are influencing anything.
Going forward, I will be taking actions when and where I can, doing what I believe is the best option in the moment at hand, with the understanding that my meager contribution will impact something, even if I may not be present to witness it. It is entirely possible that my impact will do unintended harm, even though my intent is honorable. I will not let this unforeseen option prevent me from attempting to align my intentions and impact into something beneficial for the greater good.
My family members are notorious for sticking their heads in the sand to avoid having to look at any of the problems around them. I cut ties with most of them because this tendency, in combination with their repeated pattern of enabling and enacting abuse, was not something I wanted in my life. While I do believe that we will have to learn to work with people whose ideals do not mirror our own, including people who voted in ways we didn’t, I will not be rekindling any connection with my estranged family members.
Our falling out was not solely one of opposing political ideologies. Any potential sliver of solidarity we could share via our previous familial connection could not counteract the damage that they would do to me and my healing journey because they have not begun their own journey to heal. If I thought that they were doing work on themselves to self-reflect, accept responsibility for their own actions, openly & honestly communicate, and take actions to minimize the harm they cause, I would consider it. I will not waste my time trying to convince them that they should start this journey, as they have proven to me previously that they are unwilling, and nothing has changed between now and then.
I will be (re)investing in relationships with people who are capable of reciprocating healthy boundaries and have communicated a desire to maintain (and strengthen) our connection. This will require me to be open, honest, and vulnerable. Even though it can be scary to share yourself with others (and there are definitely situations where you may need to lie for safety reasons), the only way to create authentic connections with others, that become the building blocks for a stronger kinship, is to let yourself be seen and known. In the past, when I have hidden parts of myself (especially when it wasn’t an act of self-preservation), it only extended the inevitable, while embodying another form of self-betrayal. Even though I believe community and connection are crucial, I will not actively choose to be around people who I do not feel safe and comfortable being myself around.
This stance will only work to cultivate personal associations in the inner circles of my community because I will need to allow people who are on different levels of their own healing journey, with different tactics on how to proceed, within my larger community of collaborators. At times, this may include people I fell out with or people who have been known to cause harm to others (but truthfully, who hasn’t?) or people I just don’t personally like. This does not mean that I have to become best pals with them or unburden myself of every thought I have to them or go out of my way to cultivate intimacy together. It will be on a case-by-case basis who can be trusted, with the ever-looming knowledge that even those that have truly loved you can betray you for any reason.
“There's no reward without work, no victory without effort, no battle won without risk.” -- Nora Roberts
Your Three Choices
1) Do Nothing except what is needed to keep myself alive and comfortable.
This non-action helps preserve the status quo.
If you are in a space in life where you are struggling to even maintain basic survival mode activities, I’d recommend you focus on yourself. This doesn’t mean you can’t be thinking more long term on how you can help, but beyond being unable to pour from an empty cup, you are more likely to say/do things that are not in alignment with who you are when you are reacting during emotional dysregulation and/or overextended in bandwidth. I am not suggesting that you stay in “Do Nothing” mode forever (and we will all need to circle back to this option at times to avoid burnout and prioritize rest), but if you are truly in a space where you are incapable of caring for yourself, that should be your focus until you build enough of a foundation to take on actions outside of your purview.
2) Do Something on the side of the oppressor.
This action helps preserve the status quo.
There have been times in my life where I have aligned with the powers that be either through self-preservation, denial, rationalization, or a misunderstanding of the situation at hand. Once you realize that the actions you must take are in direct opposition to what you’ve deemed to be the best option, the situation becomes untenable. You can only continue with this option if you are comfortable exchanging your morals for other perceived benefits. Even then, you’ll only be able to do this until it begins to eat at your soul. There’s a difference between compromise and self-betrayal. Do not obey in advance. Preemptive compliance is active surrender.
3) Do Something on the side of the oppressed.
This action helps challenge the status quo.
I plan to choose this option as often as possible, even at potential detriment to myself. There are so many different ways to take action, and all may be necessary at various points. Even when I cycle back to “Do Nothing” at times, as long as I don’t get stuck there, there will always be some action to take. I will continue to use whatever privileges I have, for as long as I have them, to help those less fortunate, even if that means getting uncomfortable, challenging myself, and potentially receiving negative repercussions from it. Anyone trying to resist will need to cycle through action and rest in order to sustain engagement long-term. There needs to be enough of us acting in unison to hit critical mass, and that will only be possible if we don’t burn out and give up from going too hard, too fast, too soon. No matter how many times you choose options 1 & 2, it is never too late to choose 3 and Do Something.
Going forward, I will be sharing some of what I’m doing (and why). Some of these actions may seem small. Some may seem enormous. Some may be seeds planted for later. Some may be urgent. Alongside sharing my personal experiences, I will be highlighting resources and writings that I am referencing in my own journey. I plan to share links to things I’m reading both in the Chat and through restacks in the Notes. If you have questions, I will do my best to answer any good faith inquiries. I would very much like to build further community on Substack, so don’t hesitate to reach out if this interests you!
~The Overstimulated
