Emotional Dysregulation & The Window of Tolerance
A post discussing what Emotional Dysregulation and the Window of Tolerance are.
Emotional Dysregulation is just like it sounds as it is an inability to regulate your emotions. The causes of having emotional dysregulation include neurodivergence, mental health conditions, and/or brain injuries. However, anyone can become dysregulated when they are going through something that places them outside their window of tolerance. The window of tolerance is a concept created by Dr. Dan Siegel as the zone where you are able to function and deal with the stress and pressures of your day-to-day existence. It can be difficult to stay in that zone when you have a history (or present) dealing with stress, trauma, anxiety, and other mental conditions.
When something happens to move you outside your window of tolerance, you may react with any of the trauma responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn, Flop while you enter either a hyperarousal or hypoarousal state. Initially, I thought that hyperarousal was being overstimulated and hypoarousal was being understimulated due to their prefixes. In actuality, they are both overstimulation, just to two different nervous systems within your body, and the prefixes are in relation to how your symptoms manifest.
Hyperarousal releases hormones like adrenaline and activates your Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) putting your body on alert which can present by increasing your heart rate, breath rate, & blood pressure. It can cause muscles to tense in anticipation of fleeing or fighting and slow down your digestive tract to deliver that energy to other areas in your body. These are normal stress responses of your SNS, but when they are “stuck on” through overstimulation they can lead to heightened symptoms and further health issues.
While the Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS) is necessary to help you relax and become calm once you have become dysregulated, if it becomes overactive, it results in a Hypoarousal state. So the “rest and digest” or “feed and breed” of that system that usually handles things like salivation, urination, lacrimation (tears), urination, digestion, defecation, and sexual desire becomes overloaded and unable to function properly. This can lead to a decreased heart rate, lower blood pressure, and low (or nonexistent) sex drive.
Both hyperarousal and hypoarousal states are a response to a perceived threat and can cause difficulties with sleeping, concentrating, and eating including digestive problems, insomnia or hypersomnia, and even chronic pain.
Hyperarousal (Fight & Flight)
Sympathetic Nervous System
Anxiety
Anger
Fear
Panic
Irritation
Hostility
Hypervigilance
Hyperactivity
Inability to Relax
Tight Muscles
Defensive Mode
Emotional Flooding
Emotional Outbursts
Aggressive Action
Rage
Hypoarousal (Freeze & Flop)
Parasympathetic Nervous System
Shame
Dissociation
Disorientation
Disconnection
Depersonalization
Numbness
Exhaustion/Fatigue
Blank Stare
No Feelings
Inability to Cry
Inability to Think or Reply
Inability to Speak (going nonverbal)
Reduced Physical Movement
Limp Body
You may notice that Fawn is not included in the separation breakdown. I believe that is because fawning is a negotiating technique to try to appease the other person so that you do not end up in any of the other F responses. I think of it as an active thing (even though it can happen entirely unconsciously) where you are still trying to determine if the result of the event will land within your window of tolerance by deferring or pleasing the other person, even if the end result is not the one that you actually desire. Continually fawning will teach you to abandon your true needs by reinforcing that others’ approval or the avoidance of their criticism and potential conflict is the way to stay stress free. In my life, I have learned that fawning is not sustainable if I want to center my needs & desires, and if I am around someone I feel obligated to constantly fawn around, they are not someone in alignment with my life requirements.
The hyperarousal and hypoarousal states are where I become emotionally dysregulated. Having Emotional Dysregulation is when you are unable to manage your emotional responses. Every human gets dysregulated at times, but not all of us are able to calm ourselves or soothe our emotions to get back to baseline.
Emotional Dysregulation Symptoms
Increased Anxiety
Being Overwhelmed or Frustrated Easily
Persistent Irritability
Feeling Stuck or Unable to Improve Your Mood
Severe or Prolonged Depressive Episode
Crying or Feeling Heightened Emotions for “no reason”
Frequent Mood Shifts
Impulsivity
Perfectionism
Having a Hard Time Dealing with Stress
Being Prone to Losing Your Temper
Angry Outbursts
High Levels of Shame and/or Anger
Mania or Hypomania
High-Risk Sexual Behaviors
Disordered Eating
Self-Harm Behaviors
Aggressive or Violent Behavior Towards Others
Suicidal Ideation and/or Actions
Substance Misuse or Excessive Use
Conflict in Interpersonal Relationships
I carry a lot of shame and guilt from the way my emotional dysregulation has presented in my interpersonal relationships. When I lie awake at night, unable to sleep, and all the cringeworthy moments of my life replay in my head, I often remember times that I melted down or had an outburst because I was not able to process my emotions and they built up and built up until they exploded in ways that I am not proud of. On my journey to be the best version of myself that I can be, a person who adds to the greater good with the least amount of harm done to people, animals, and the planet, I strive to better myself in the areas where I deem to be lacking.
When I found out about emotional dysregulation and how it was impacting my life, I immediately wanted to discover how to regulate my emotions. Recognizing that I am emotionally dysregulated is challenging because my delayed processing from my Autism does not always allow me to notice in the moment when I am unable to manage my emotional response to a situation. Emotional regulation is also challenging because I have Alexithymia which includes difficulties with naming and articulating my emotions.
In upcoming posts, I will discuss ways to regulate your emotions and how to manage and/or widen your window of tolerance.
~The Overstimulated
For further reading, I encourage you to check out some of the source material I used to create this piece.
Understanding and Working with the Window of Tolerance (Attachment and Trauma Treatment Centre for Healing)
Understanding the Window of Tolerance and How it Affects You (Mind My Peelings)
How to Help Your Clients Understand Their Window of Tolerance (National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine)
Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) (Cleveland Clinic)
Parasympathetic Nervous System: What to Know (WebMD)
FIGHT, FLIGHT, FREEZE, FAWN, AND FLOP: RESPONSES TO TRAUMA (All Points North)
What is Emotional Dysregulation? (PsychCentral)